Fear, Less

Accused last night of being a fearful person, I am indignant. I have fears, but not like he thinks. Fears are irrational things; if we can rationalize them they are not fears anymore. I am afraid, of: crickets, jumpy dogs, kelp, being touched by cold noodles, burning to death. I am not afraid of people. What could be done to me that is scary? Nothing. I could be killed, I suppose, but then I would be dead with nothing else to worry about; I don’t fear death. I cannot be hurt by people, I am much too strong for that. I suppose that is my only fear involving people: I am afraid that I am stronger than I could ever imagine, and I am afraid of finding that out for sure.

Cautious, now that’s something I can get behind. I don’t like people getting too close to me, I don’t like people assuming they know me or know what’s on my mind. I’m cautious about the situations I put myself in, I’m cautious about people who make the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

I think that I can likely handle anything that might happen to me, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate having people who look out for me. There’s something tiring in always having to do everything yourself. There’s no weakness in accepting the support of your friends.

And so, Senor Colorado, I arrive at this conclusion: you need me to be a fearful person because it makes you uncomfortable that I don’t need you. You need me to be fearful because you don’t know what else to make of me. That’s fine, and there’ll be no convincing you otherwise. Thing is, I have nothing to prove. I know who and what I am, and I’m quite content to just take care of my own.

Self-unimprovement - now shinier than ever!

From Sean, via myspace, just wasting time...

THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?: Affirmative.
Can you dance?: In my own weird way.
Can you do a cart wheel?: Mos definitely.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?: Yup.
Can you touch your toes?: Yes.
Can you whistle?: Not well.
Can you wiggle your ears?: Does chewing count?
Can you wiggle your nose? Am I being graded on this??
THE DIDS:
Did you ever get into a fist fight in school?: You say nerdy, I say conscientious objector.
Did you ever run away from home?: All the time, just never for long.
Did you ever want to be a doctor?: Nope. I hate your problems.
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?: Um…no.
THE DOS:
Do you believe in God?: Nein.
Do you know how to swim?: Yes!
Do you like roller coasters?: Not really. Kinda.
Do you own a bike?: I own a sweet trike.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: Chickens’ feet is my limit. I don’t want fame that badly.
THE DOES:
Does hair loss run in your family at all?: We’re all girls. Dad’s bald…
Does your car get good gas mileage?: Better than your pickup truck, mister.
Does your family have family picnics?: what? Do people really do this??
THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane? All the time.
Have you ever asked someone out?: Sorta.
Have you ever been asked out by someone? Yup.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Live there, baby!
Have you ever gone fishing?: Yes! Yes!
Have you ever painted your nails?: affirmative.
THE HOWS:
How did you find out about myspace?: Mein sister.
how many people are on your friend's list?: Is this important?
How many of them have you met in person?: All. I don’t like strangers.
How many times has your profile been visited?: Less than yours, I suppose.
How tall are you?: Sigh. Five-foot-six.
How much money do you have on you right now?: Right about…exactly…42 cents.
THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?: Danny Lightning.
Last thing you said out loud?: "You will say ‘permission to speak’ before talking to me.”
Last thing someone said to you?: “Permission to speak. Can I borrow your stapler?”
THE WHATS:
What are you listening to?: Drive-By Truckers
What is the weather outside?: I don’t have a window. I’m sure it’s foggy, smoky, windy, or all 3.
What radio station do you listen to?: XM Radio has changed my life. I am a station slut.
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: The Wood.
What was the last thing you bought?: Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! And a scone.
What was the last thing you had to drink?: Coffee! No, water.
What was the last t.v. show you watched?: Don’t have one. I witnessed The Daily Show last night without volume, if that counts.
What's up with your myspace picture? Um…it’s a half rack at Second Bridge. Is that a problem?
THE WHOS:
Who is your newest friend you added to myspace?: It’s all about the Benjamins.
Who was the last person you IM'd?: I don’t believe in IM. It’s obnoxious.
Talked to on the phone?: Some prick from the TV station.
Who is your current crush?: Are we in third grade? This is privileged information, private!
Who was the last person you took pictures with?: Cousin Troy, I think.
Who is in your default picture?: Didn’t I answer this already?
Who was the last person to leave you a comment?: Jacobot.
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: Mein Pants, because he always loves me back.

Find your own pose!

Not entirely true, but reminiscent of the way I prefer to sleep: tangly.

Excalibur traits and tendencies: Excalibur couples may battle just as much as other couples (and participate in more than their fair share of public huffs), but they look so good together, it outweighs any other deficiencies they may share. It isn't that they're classically good-looking, or similarly sized (though certainly both those pairings are permissible). It's more that the aesthetic chord they strike satisfies in profound ways. Like gorgeously plated food or song filled with unusual harmonies, the wan and freckled hand-in-hand with the tragically tan, the pigeon-toed with the duck-walkers, these Excalibur couples achieve such perfection in their pairing that reminds the world that anything is possible.

Two words: Finger Guns

Forces to be reckoned with. Beware, beware (Except for Sister #1, who apparently refuses to brandish her finger guns. We think she's adopted.)

Case of the Mondays

It's earthquake weather in town lately, and as much as it's unsettling, I love it. Sunny and warm and mostly still. I would enjoy the days more, however, if I could just sleep a little. I feel like I spend my nights listening to other people sleep instead of doing it myself. Believe me: if you sleep anywhere in my vicinity, I am an expert in how you snore. I've decided everyone does it, it's just a matter of degrees. Also: your snoring pisses me off. It's jealousy; why can't I be snoring?

Here's hoping that there won't be an accounting of all my mistakes, especially not on a Monday.

She's Crafty, Vol. 1

I made a quilt for my sister's birthday a little while back, greens on chocolate brown cotton, with a chocolate flannel back and pink piping, quilting at random with hot and ballet pink thread:


(sorry about the crappy photo)

Also, to the dismay of my roommates, I'm working on this one:



Made from gifted scraps and a thrifted turquoise bedsheet. It needs a fairly large border if it's going to make it to bed-sized. Backing will probably be from the fitted sheet that matches, quilted like the one above.

Day off today, which means some combination of slacking off and madly doing chores, so I'll be getting back to that.

Warranty Service

Though it provides endless amusement to my roommate, I had my chi realigned yesterday. It could be just new-age hocus pocus, but it makes me feel better. I'd been feeling really down, and now I feel great! Or maybe it was the three cups of coffee! Who knows! Who cares?

The hardest part about energy sessions is that they ask you what you want to get out of the session before they begin. This always generates anxiety on my behalf; I feel like I should come up with something really deep, and all I can come up with is "um...like...I want to feel better?"

Fortunately, that's good enough, and after that, my job is mainly to just lie still (quite a task), and try not to giggle.

My favorite product warning: parts have been provided for all installations, but not all installations may require all parts provided. That's what I'm looking for, the installation that will require all provided parts.

The four My Little Ponies of the apocalypse

Do you remember when you were in school and you'd stay up late, after everyone else was sleeping or passed out, having an absolute heart-to-heart with a friend? Do you remember how cathartic, how gut-wrenching, how that felt?
I have always loved being awake when noone else is. Being an insomniac, this is fortunate. As much as I love sunny days and lazy afternoons, I have always loved being awake in the perfect quiet of the middle of the night, or in that charged stillness of the early day.
The cousins were in town, including my favorite one, the clever and sensitive one, and we stayed up talking until it was too cold to sit on the porch anymore, and it felt like home, and like youth, and like whatever that contentment is that is the opposite of lonely.
((If "atypical" is the opposite of "typical," why isn't "alone" the opposite of "lone?"))
Thanks, cousin.